


Memories made of Memories

by WolfDogstar



Series: The Lost Generation-Love,Life and Loss. [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Depression, Drunk Sirius Black, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sirius Black, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Marriage Proposal, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips, Sad Remus Lupin, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius and Remus making love, Vomiting, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 06:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12881754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfDogstar/pseuds/WolfDogstar
Summary: Set during OotP. After Harry goes away to Hogwarts Sirius falls in depression and keeps spiralling. Finally Remus decides to do something to makes Sirius leave the confines of Grimmalud Place. It leads to some unexpected conversation and an even more unexpected proposal.





	Memories made of Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything.

Sirius is constantly drowning like he jumped out of Azkaban and into the North sea but never made it to shore. He believes most things he sees are hallucinations. Maybe he's dead and everything is just an after life fantasy playing out in his head. How else can he believe that he is out of hell after twelve years and with Remus who, surprisingly doesn't hate him? Remus is the one person in the entire world who knows him as much as he knows himself, if not more. To the entire world he's damaged, lunatic, old,broken and beyond repair but to Remus he is Sirius. He is who he wants to be. Even in school Sirius used to tell him things that others didn't understand, things that didn't make sense even to him. But to Remus everything was a part of life and growth. Sirius knows that Remus has to think this way. Otherwise how can a person be as kind and good as Remus is in spite of the blows life had dealt him?  
Remus always knew what to do, what to say, how to touch him. And Sirius was grateful for that. Remus always came to save him. But would he? This time? The question constantly plagued Sirius's mind.

And Remus did. One morning, weeks after the kids had left for school, leaving a sick feeling at the pit of Sirius's stomach, Remus popped up at his door with two duffle bags in hand.

" Get up. Get dressed." He said.  
Sirius eyed the bags with confusion.

" What happened?" He asked.

" I'm taking you away." Remus answered placing the bags on the floor. " Will you put some decent clothes on? Like a jeans and a tee. Just get out of the God awful robe you have been wearing. When was it last washed?"

" What's the point?" Sirius groaned.

" Told you. I'm taking you somewhere."

" Don't joke with me." Sirius said exasperated.

" It's not a joke." Remus said rummaging around Sirius's closet for some decent clothes that would fit him.

" Go away." Sirius turned in his bed , away from Remus and pulled the blanket over his head. " Let me be."

When there was no sound in the room Sirius thought that Remus had left and sighed. But the floor creaked and Sirius peaked from under the blanket to Remus hunching over the bed looking worried. " Please."

Despite the screaming protests of his mind and body Sirius pulled himself out of bed and put on the clothes that Remus handed him.

" Where are we going?" He asked as they closed the door behind him.

" You'll see." Remus said as he held open the door to a car parked up front.

Sirius had to blink a few time to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

" Where did you get a car?" He asked.

" Borrowed it from a friend." Remus said dumping the bags in the back seat.

" What friend? I know all our friends." Sirius said irritated. He hated the idea of Remus driving and was stalling.

" My friend. Not ours.Now quit stalling." He shouted over the roar of the engine as he hit ignition.

" Can you drive?" It was Sirius's last desperate attempt to not go whenever the hell Remus was taking him.

" Get the fuck in Sirius." Remus shouted again. Remus already missed the comfort ( discomfort) of his bed. After Azkaban nothing seemed comfortable. Neither the soft bed nor the hard floor.

Sirius sighed. " This is going to be difficult. So very difficult." Sirius said, taking his place beside Remus.

" It's okay" Remus assured him.

" You know I can't help it." Sirius looked lost and helpless.

" I know you can't. That why I'm here. To help." Remus smiled.

And despite the growing anxiety churning Sirius's innards, he smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Remus hadn't driven a car in over three years but after the initial awkwardness he adjusted and was quite sure they would reach their destination safely. As they left behind the busy London streets, traffic became sparse and Remus relaxed his grip on the wheel. He noticed Sirius had fallen asleep but didn't mind a bit. He was glad he could get Sirius out of the house and prayed to whatever God was listening, to help him make Sirius feel better.

After the kids had left for school, Sirius had become unnaturally moody and short-tempered . He didn't talk to anyone and remained confined to his room. As more and more members of the Order left,it only got worse. Sirius was angry at Remus if he wasn't at home. He was angry when he came back home and Remus just didn't know what to do. Some nights he had woken up to Sirius retching in the bathroom. As Remus had helped him clean up he had asked the question burning in his throat.

" Sirius this..."

" It isn't Moony." Sirius had cut him off. " It's not like it was back at school. I really can't keep the food down. It's not deliberate"

Remus knew better than to trust Sirius about this. But the problem damped after that and Remus hadn't worried about it.

One day, last week, he had come home to find Sirius passed out on the couch, an empty bottle of fire whiskey on the ground and the two way mirror left abandoned on the table. Sirius had hoped day in and day out that Harry would call him on the mirror but it never came.  
Remus had been a little surprized. But he knew how distracting Hogwarts could get and with the new teachers and rules and the chaos that was unravelling each day, he couldn't blame Harry.

When Remus had woken him up that night to carry him up to the bedroom, Sirius hadn't been able to even sit straight. Remus had carried him over to the room with great difficulty and even though he was dead drunk, Sirius hadn't slept. All he had talked about was how much he loved Harry and that he had missed everything from the first day at Kindergartens to the first broom ride.

" I missed everything Moony and now he doesn't need me. He doesn't love me" Sirius had said, voice slurry and sleep laden.

" Of course he loves you Sirius." Remus had assure him but Sirius wasn't the one to be convinced. He had held onto Remus and cried copiously. That day Remus had decided to do something to at least try and make Sirius feel better.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Sirius had woken up.

" I bloody hate winding roads" Sirius groaned.

" Oh! you are up." Remus smiled. " Good sleep?"

" Go slow." Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

" I'm going at fifty."

" Well go slower." Sirius looked out of the widow.

Remus slowed.  
" What happened?"

" The winding road is making me nauseous." Sirius said exasperated.

" You used to drive a motorcycle at breakneck speed. Since when did you get start getting carsick?"

" Well just NOW." Sirius spat." Just add it to the list of things I hate now."

" Okay. Relax. I was just talking." Remus said softly.

" Well don't." Sirius shot back and looked out of the window again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sirius tried to settle his churning innards and looked out at things far away, moving slowly. The lush green fields stretched as far as he could see and the smell of harvest filled his nose. The cold wind felt good in his hair.  
He almost felt....nice...he supposed. If he really tried hard he could look at the birds soaring high up in the sky without thinking about how, in Azkaban, he had felt the sky caging him instead of liberating him. The warmth of the sun felt good on his skin.  
He felt a little guilty about how he had lashed out at Remus. He was, after all, trying to help.

" Hey...Remus?" Sirius said not looking at him in the eye. What if he's mad?

" Yes." Remus didn't look away from the road.

" Are you mad?" Sirius asked sheepishly.

" Hun? Why would I be mad?"

" You know...because of how...I..lashed out." Sirius looked away again.

" Are you hungry?" Remus asked.  
Sirius was perplexed and didn't answer.

" Okay let's eat." Remus said as he pulled over. They got out of the car and Remus took out two ham sandwiches from a bag and handed one to Sirius.

" Can I ask something of you Sirius?"Remus asked as he leaned against the bonnet.

" Yes of course."

" You keep saying that everything is going to be difficult whenever I try doing something for you. Can you please not do that?"

Sirius thought for a while before answering.

"' I'll try.' I suppose is the right answer but you as well as I know it isn't the truth. You saw what happened day before yesterday. I couldn't even get out of the bed. You had to carry me to the bathroom for Merlin's sake. And that might happen again. You know how I have mood swings and you hate them....i know you do but I can't help it. Any day any moment I might break and I don't want to ruin the trip you have so carefully planned."Sirius kicked at the dust with his shoes. " I don't want to ruin anything."

" Sirius you remember how back when we were at school you used to tell me things. When you used to cut yourself and throw up every meal deliberately we talked and we understood each other."

" We were kids." Sirius sighed and Remus scoffed.

" We were never kids, you and I. But my point is- I didn't fall in love with you back then because you were handsome or because I thought being with you would be easy. Nothing about us has ever been easy. So don't worry if things get a little rough."

" You still love me?" Sirius asked.

" Of course I do. And you know that. I have told you like a thousand times." Remus smiled.

" I know but I dare not believe it again." Sirius looked up at the midday sun and closed his eyes against the sunlight. Colours and patterns formed under his eyelids but the one thing he saw repeatedly was Remus face, beautiful and untouched by age. The face he hadn't seen for twelve years.

" Please do." Remus took Sirius's hand and squeezed it gently. Sadly, he noted for the hundredth time that Sirius's hands and fingers were way too bony and skin too cold to be even be considered healthy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After that Sirius started taking normally.

" You remember how I used to propose to you all the time.?"

Remus blushed." Of course I do. I'm quite sure you proposed Lily once. You had been drunk and James was really mad afterwards."

" I did?" Sirius frowned. " I don't remember that."

Remus didn't know why to say. He only hoped that the conversation would not lead to an awkward silence.

" It's things like that, you know Moony, that I forget. Details like that."

Remus took a sharp turn on the road, keeping his attention on driving rather than the stab of pain that had just shot through him.

" Whoa! Remus. You are going to get us both killed." Sirius said a little panicked.

" What does it feel like?" Remus asked quitely.

" Forgetting? I don't know...can't exactly explain. It's like a hole in a fabric. It's just not there. Blank. I can recall the emotions but not the the incidents associated with them. Like a dream I cannot remember. "

Remus nodded ,blinking his eyes rapidly to ease their burning. But no. He wouldn't cry. He couldn't afford to. If Sirius was opening up he would listen to every last detail no matter the cost.

" Like the beach trip we had in '74...."

" '73." Remus cut Sirius off. " The beach trip was August '73. "

Sirius nodded. " See details like that. I remember what I felt; how happy I was, how hot it was that day. Hell! I even remember what mum and dad wore that day. But I can't remember what we did. Like did we build a sand castle? Did we collect shells?"

" We were trying to replicate Hogwarts. But it took so long that the water level rose and washed it away before we could finish it. James sulked for an hour after that till Mr. Potter bought him an hotdog. You were so scared of going deep in the water. Mr. Potter carried you on his shoulders and took you in while Mrs. Potter kept shouting for you two to come back. But you had started enjoying way too much once you got the hang of it. After sunset we had walked on the beach and you had collected all types of shells and carried it around in your shirt. You left it with Mrs. Potter and she later made a wall hanging out of it. It was in your room when you moved in with them."  
Remus's eyes clouded over with tears and he pulled over by the road. There had been so much of love back then. Everyone was gone now.

" One mother who wouldn't let me keep shell and another who made a wall hanging out if it. It was a roller coaster ride." Sirius rubbed his eyes vigorously. " I miss mum and dad so much."

" Me too." Remus sniffed.

" You know clouds..rain..it reminds me of them. I remember when they died...the day of the funeral it had rained so much. The sky had been covered in clouds all day. We couldn't get out of the house without getting drenched. And it had reflected everything I was feeling. I had looked after James for days, keeping myself together. After he got a little stable......"

" You broke down completely." Remus completed. " I remember how you had come back that morning looking all haggard. You had fallen right back into all the habits I had pulled you out of."

" But you pulled me out again, Moony. You always do that. You don't know how thankful I'm for that."

Remus tried to smile. He remembers everything about the funeral and the struggle later. Lily had helped James a lot. She was constantly there for him and James took her help. But not Sirius. It had taken Remus weeks to even get him to talk properly.

" For days after that I wished I hadn't known them. Then I wouldn't be feeling so much pain. But they saved me. And I'm glad I had them as my parents for however brief a period it might have been."

" Yeah! They really did save you." Remus started the car again.  
" Your turn Moony. Tell me something I don't know." Sirius said looking out of the window once again.

"Er...all right. There was this girl I used to like..." Remus started.

" You liked a girl? When? How don't I know about this." Sirius cocked his eyebrows.

" Wasn't that the point?" Remus said," Me telling you about something you have no clue about."

" Yes but you liked a girl. This is like huge." Sirius frowned. " Continue."

" I saw her first as a kid in the fields where we used to live. I was wandering about one day and just saw her by chance, she used to come to the fields with the father. I never spoke to her. And we moved away few months later. So anyway I check in on her from time to time. Last month she gave birth to a baby girl. It really made me happy. I have been thinking about sharing this with you for a while but never really got the chance."

When Sirius didn't say anything. Remus looked at him and couldn't decide if he looked furious or in agony.

" You love her?" Sirius tried and failed to keep the hurt out of his voice.

" Wh..What?" Remus spluttered.

" Do you love her?"

" Of course I don't love her Sirius." Remus said incredulously." Why would you think that?"

" Well..I don't know. You have been keeping tabs on this woman for two decades and nobody has a clue."

" I tell you I have never spoken to her, she doesn't know I exist and your first conclusion is that I love her?" Remus was on the verge of hysteria. Was it impossible to make Sirius believe that he loved him?

" When you say it like that...it sounds stupid." Sirius scrunched up his face in thoughts. He was being horrible insecure.

" I'll always love you Sirius no matter how many...." Remus bit his lips. He hadn't meant to slip. He braced himself for the flurry of question he thought would follow but there were none.

Sirius felt the entire world stop. He couldn't feel the wind anymore and breathing suddenly became difficult. But thoughts in his head were racing and everything that he had once had with Remus seemed like from another lifetime. He had been gone, taken away, never to return. Who would have Remus waited for? Why would he have?

 

" It's okay Remus. I was gone a long time." Sirius said softly and looked out of the window again. He really hoped the door would miraculous open and he fall out. He didn't want to imagine where the conversation was headed.

" It felt wrong every time." Remus sighed.

" Why did you do it then?" Sirius almost shouted. He couldn't keep his emotions in check. He had been so alone for twelve years. But he had hoped, everyday, that Remus would have had someone. But now it hurt. It hurt him to know that someone else had touched Remus in ways and place he had but couldn't even try and remember anymore.

" Sometime it was just the heat of the moment. Sometimes it was just a way to forget how tragic my life had been. Sometimes it was a life line..." Remus didn't really like to talk about that phase if his life. It made him feel filthy. He was so lost back then, he hadn't know what was right or wrong or what he really wanted.

" Were they all.....men?" Sirius knew it didn't matter. But the question slipped from his mouth anyway.

" Most were."

Sirius saw how Remus's grip tightened on the wheel. Remus was hurting, feeling guilty. Sirius really didn't want that.  
" I was really gone long. Twelve years is like a lifetime Moony. There was no chance of me ever escaping. And you thought I was a traitor. It's okay."

" No it's not Sirius. I know it isn't. But we can't do anything about it now." Remus voice cracked. He wished he could do something, somehow take back all he had done. He wouldn't repeat it given a chance.

" I know. I know what you do for me is for the sake of friendship. I'm too old...to broken for...for everything." Sirius sighed again, pulling at his hair. " All I am is skin and fragile bones..."

" You are not. God! I love you Sirius. In how many ways do I have to say it?" Remus sniffed.

" Is that why we haven't even kissed in all this time?" Sirius blurted out.

Remus looked at him incredulously.  
He halted in the middle of the road and was grateful for the lack of traffic. They would have been the subject of some very nasty comments other wise.

" What is it with you? Can't think and drive at the same time?"

After Remus pulled over by the side of the road, he tried to sit still for a moment. He couldn't believe Sirius had finally brought this up. He was starving for Sirius. For his touch. For his lips. For HIM. When he trusted himself speak again, he pulled back the sleeves of his sweater and held open his arm in front of Sirius who looked sad, angry and anxious all at the same time.

But his eyes went wide when he saw the tattoo on Remus's wrist.

Canis Major.

Sirius held his hand and ran a thumb over it making Remus shiver.

" I had forgotten about this." He whispered not looking away.

" I thought about getting rid of it so many times. But I couldn't do it without cutting off my wrist. And no matter what happened I couldn't kill myself." Remus said putting all his effort into feeling Sirius's skin in his own. He had been denied of this for so long. Too long.

" That was the purpose of it. I told you to get it when you used to cut yourself so that if you ever had the urge to end it all, you would see this and know that you would always have me." Sirius bit his lips, trying to keep his rolling emotions in check. He had a hard time believing he had forgotten about this. Damn Azkaban. It too away so much.

" Yeah. To me it meant that we would always be there for each other. But I got it all those years ago because I loved you. I do love you, in every way possible. Broken or not. I love you even if you are malnourished and only skin and fragile bone."

" The why didn't you even try...?"

" Because I didn't know if you were ready, if you wanted me like that anymore. I thought you would tell me if...when you wanted it."

" I do. And I do now." Sirius said pulling Remus close to himself and hesitated for just a moment before he brushed his lips against Remus's making him shiver.

Remus's breath double to keep up with his racing heart.

Sirius couldn't remember what Remus tasted like but he didn't have to wait long. Remus pulled him in and deepened the kiss. They explored each other like they were kids kissing for the first time. They fumbled and faltered but it was the best damn thing that had happened to them in fifteen years. They broke away breathing heavily but Remus didn't let go of Sirius. He rested his forehead against his and closed his eyes trying to calm the surge of emotions in his chest. He needed to belief that this was real, the Sirius wasn't going to disappear any moment.

He opened his eyes to see Sirius looking at him with all the love in the world.  
" I'm real, okay? I'm here." He whispered." Please tell me that you won't leave. Tell me I won't be alone again."

 

" Never." Remus said as he wiped the tears away from Sirius's face. " I want you to be happy. That's all I have ever wanted."

" I am happy." Sirius said. " I can feel your heart beat through your shirt. What else could be more dear to me?"

" I love you so much." Remus whispered pulling Sirius in for a hug.

" I love you too."

They sat like that for a while, taking in their new found situation. But the sun was setting and they needed to get to safety before nightfall. So Remus hit the road again and they reached home within the hour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Moony this is your childhood home!" Sirius exclaimed. As they came to a stop in front of an old house.

" Yup it is." he said getting out of the car .

Sirius looked in wonder all around. It was the perfect place to hide. They were in the middle of no where. There were no settlements for miles around. The opposite side of the house was flanked by a dense outgrow of trees and tall grasses nodded away in the evening breeze.  
Sirius loved this breeze. To him it felt like a clash of summer warmth and winter chill fighting to gain the upper hand in nature, winter inevitability winning time and again. The wind transported him to a summer evening that seemed to belong to a different lifetime. He had come home from Auror training to find Remus working at the typewriter, writing up his mission report. They had shared two beers together later. There was nothing special about the evening but it reminded Sirius of a time when he loved Remus with a heart and mind that hadn't been so cruelly damaged.

" You remember?" Remus voice pulled him back from what he felt like was a different dimension. The memory was so vivid that he felt like someone had snatched away a very important task he was doing and now he didn't know what to do.

" Sirius, you okay?" Remus asked as he saw the confusion on his face.

" Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." Sirius sighed. He took a bag from Remus hand and they walked up to the door.

The house was old but it wasn't going to crumble down to the ground and time soon. Sirius waited and looked around as Remus mumbled various spells to undo the wards that kept the house safe.  
Finally the door clicked open and they entered. As Sirius closed the door behind him he looked around in the dim light and was surprized to find a well furnished house. He had expect the place to be covered in dust and cobwebs with spiders crawling all around but when Remus mumbled an incantation to light up the room in a fuzzy warm glow, Sirius saw that that place was quite tidy. There were book shelves and couches in the corner, a centre table and rugs on the floor.

" My father never sold this house. We moved here after I was bitter. Spent my first full moon here. There's a basement hidden underneath. I still come here to transform sometimes." Remus said as he went from room to room lighting them up.

" But when we were at Hogwarts you used to live in London, right?" Sirius tried getting his facts straight.

" Yeah. They rented that place. All the extra shifts they pull off to pay bills...but they never sold this place. During the holidays I used to come here to...you know."

" This is huge Moony. We never knew you came here. I remember seeing it in a photograph...long time ago." Sirius said looking at the books in the shelves. There was everything from muggle classics to magical classics.

" After dad died, I moved all his stuff back in here. " Remus said from the kitchen and he dumped the packed food on the table.

" Er..how long are we staying?" Sirius asked looking at the huge amount of food Remus had brought.

" As long as you want to." Remus winked.

Sirius snorted." Don't spin fairytales Remus. You and I both know we can't be gone long." He flopped down on chair and opened a packet of cake.

" You are right." Remus said satisfied that Sirius was eating willingly. " We have two days, three at the max, before people start looking for us. Well Dumbledore at least."

Sirius looked at him incredulously.  
" Dumbledore doesn't know we are here?"

" Of course not. He would have sent me off on another mission if he knew I was planning this." Remus was surprised too that he had finally pulled all this off.

" Thank you Remus." Sirius said, suddenly looking all solemn.

" For what?" Remus asked, taking a piece of cake.

" For this. For doing all this for me." Sirius said.

" Don't thank me yet. If we are caught we might both be killed or sent back to...you know.."

" No we won't." Sirius sighed contently. " You would have never brought me here if there were any danger. The car...this house with a basement where you transform.. It's well hidden, isn't it?"

Remus smiled. " Kingsley gave a false tip to the ministry night last night. They are in a different continent. And dad kept this place very safe, its guarded inside out."

Sirius hung his head back, closed his eyes and took in the smell of the house. It smelled good. At Grimmauld place everything breathed evil and darkness. But Remus's house felt comfortable. Everything starting from the lights to the chairs felt easy and light. Air flowed freely through the huge windows. Sirius relaxed in his chair and felt the tension leave his body.

Remus sat back and watched Sirius as he tipped his head back and breathed easily. He looked better. Everything that had perspired between them today wasn't foreseen but it had led them to this moment where Sirius looked content and Remus could stare at him without the embarrassment of being caught red handed. He looked at the tattoo on his wrist again and thanked the universes for keeping him alive. It was a miracle they were still here, alive and in love. He thought back to how Sirius had proposed him once, long time ago, after they had found out Lily was pregnant. Remus had accepted. They had been dead serious about the entire thing but then the war had gone south. There were so many people dying and so many funerals to be attended that they hadn't found a time to even tell their friends what they were considering.

" Sirius..." Remus's voice was barely audible and he hadn't realized he had even called him out loud untill Sirius opened his eyes and looked at him.

" Hun...what Rem?...I think I dozed off." Sirius yawned.

" Does..." Remus cleared his throat. He didn't know if what he was going to do was sane or not but they had wasted enough time thinking about what-if's.

Sirius looked at him tenderly.  
" What is it Remus?"

" Does the marriage proposal still stand?"

Remus choked as Sirius, his voice thick with emotion said," Yes. Yes if you'll still have me."

They sat still for what seemed like an eternity, rubbing at their eyes because the tears wouldn't stop falling. They should have done this fifteen years ago.

" I....I don't..." Remus began but his voice betrayed him.

" I know Moony. I know." Sirius said sniffing. " I don't know how this will work. We are at war. Again. And I don't think we'll survive this time."

" I don't think so either." Remus said and got off his chair to kneel in front of Sirius. Taking his hands in his own he said," But if I die tomorrow, I want to spend every last second before that with you. You saved me from Moony, from myself. Everything I am is because of you. Because of your love. And I...I want t...to be with....you. Always." Fresh tears rolled down Remus's cheeks. " Only you."

" How did I find you again, Remus? It's a miracle you still love me. I'm not half of what I used to be." Sirius cried.

" It's enough for me." Remus said getting up and pulling Sirius up along with him.

Sirius pulled him in for a kiss and even before they realized they were in the bedroom, undressing each other.  
As Remus pulled off Sirius's tee from above his head, his dark black hair got messed up and caught the light of the candles, blazing like fire. Sirius had never looked more beautiful to Remus.

Remus stopped Sirius as he was unbuttoning his sweater," I have to warn you. It's not what you remember. It worse, much worse."

" Your scars are a testament of your strength, of the battles you win every month. They only make me love you more. " Sirius kissed and suckled at Remus throat making him moan.

They didn't know how long they took to relearn everything about each other's bodies. Sirius kissed every scar Remus had acquired over the years, taking his time to try and memorize how it is now, not thinking about how it used to be.

And when they made love it was tender, their rhythm slow. They moaned each other's names in whispers, too scared that any sudden action might leave a crack in the perfect moment they had created.

And when Remus came, Sirius didn't think about all the men who had touched Remus in the years they had been pulled apart. Nothing ,other than the feeling of Remus inside him, mattered in that moment because Sirius knew, he just knew Remus wouldn't have allowed himself to be as vulnerable with outsiders as he was with him.

When Sirius came with a grunt and his name on his lips , Remus could swear he felt their skin dissolve everywhere they were touching each other. For a moment he could feel everything Sirius felt- the happiness, the need, the lust and the agony that had been buried somewhere deep within in a matter of a single day.

They blushed and smiled, their skin glowing in the candle light that flickered too hard, trying to burn a little more against the life escaping it.

But Remus didn't mind. He had all the light he needed right in his arms. Sirius had been and will always be the brightest star in Remus's sky.

 

-Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea about Sirius proposing Remus all the time before Azkaban is not my idea. I read it on the internet but can't remember where or who wrote it. If someone knows, please do share.  
> I hope you enjoyed it.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> ❤


End file.
